NewsVine - A sinkhole on Steve Biko Road between Trevenna and Francis Baard Streets has officially earned “high-priority mystery site” status, with the city announcing road closures that are expected to last two full years — or roughly the time it takes to queue at Home Affairs.
The scene is already buzzing with intrigue. Eyewitnesses say three experts — an official in uniform, a man in jeans, and a woman with a determined lean — were spotted gazing into the hole with the kind of focus normally reserved for trying to find the source of a WhatsApp voice note.
“They’ve been looking at that hole for 45 minutes,” one observer whispered. “I think they’re waiting for it to blink.”
In an impressive display of municipal efficiency, the area has been secured using cutting-edge safety gear: a single traffic cone, some yellow tape, and one lone brick entangled in green netting. Officials say this setup is “strategically designed to prevent exactly one pedestrian from falling in.”
While the cause of the sinkhole remains unknown, a city spokesperson hinted at something deeper — literally and figuratively:
“We’re not saying it leads to the center of the Earth… but we’re also not not saying that.”
Theories are already circulating, with some suggesting the void might be linked to Pretoria’s greatest mysteries — including missing budget reports, a rogue traffic light, and several residents’ lost car keys from 2017.
Motorists are strongly advised to avoid the area like a WhatsApp group chat with 247 unread messages, and instead make use of alternate routes:
- Leyds Street: a thrill ride of potholes and questionable suspension tests.
- Meintjies Street: where GPS signals vanish into the void.
- Nelson Mandela Drive: currently doubling as a race track and surprise construction zone.
As the two-year excavation begins, whispers suggest a Netflix documentary crew is circling. Tentative title? “Hole of Secrets: The Sunnyside Abyss.”
Stay tuned. Or, take Leyds Street and pretend this never happened.