A dramatic murder investigation in the city center took an unexpected turn yesterday when police discovered that the "lifeless bodies" sprawled under a jacaranda tree were, in fact, very much alive—just on lunch break.
Concerned citizens, convinced they had stumbled upon a gruesome crime scene, called emergency services to report a large group of motionless individuals lying eerily still on the grass. Fearing a major criminal incident, authorities sprang into action. A full forensic team, a coroner, and even a crime scene photographer rushed to the scene. Roads were closed, a perimeter was set up, and officers braced themselves for a serious investigation.
But then, in a moment of pure comedy gold, one of the supposed “victims” casually stretched, yawned, and reached for his sandwich. Within seconds, the entire “crime scene” transformed into what could only be described as a very relaxed municipal picnic—complete with laughter, scrolling through social media, and deep discussions about which pothole should probably get fixed next year.
The Case of the Overcommitted Nap
SAPS spokesperson Captain Thembekile Dlamini admitted that the situation had been a rather embarrassing mix-up.
"When we arrived, we saw about six individuals lying in what appeared to be unnatural positions—completely motionless. Naturally, we assumed the worst. Only after questioning bystanders did we realize these men weren’t victims; they were just... deeply resting."
Municipal workers’ union spokesperson, Mlungisi Ndaba, was quick to defend the laborers’ right to extended downtime.
"Our workers put in long, grueling hours ensuring South Africa maintains its world-class reputation for half-finished projects. Their rest is well-earned. The real issue here isn’t their break—it’s society’s unrealistic expectation that municipal work involves actual movement."
Case Closed—But Questions Remain
Although no arrests were made, police say they will continue to monitor the situation—mostly out of curiosity.
"We’re now treating this as a case of ‘extreme relaxation’ rather than foul play," Captain Dlamini explained. "While we can’t press charges, we do hope to one day solve the mystery of why municipal workers always seem to be on a break before they start working."
As the police left, the "victims" returned to their critical tasks: thoughtfully observing roadworks from a distance and contemplating whether today was the day to finally trim that hedge.
One worker, adjusting his hat for maximum shade coverage, summed it up best: "If we’re going to be accused of lying around, we might as well do it properly."